speaking from the heart

I've been trying to write about this for days, and I keep getting hung up on the words. Little details are easy, the Big Events are much harder. But someone stopped me at work today and was all "but... it's not on your blog!" Like it couldn't be true if the internet didn't know about it.

So, um....er...hey internet, I'm engaged!

No, I am not knocked up. Thank you very much, though, for the vote of confidence.

No, we don't know when the Big Day is. Next person who asks gets a size 8 Puma sneaker to the face.

No, we are not going to Vegas. The more bride-y things I read, though, the more that sounds like a swell idea.

No, we don't know who is moving where when. Magic 8-ball say: ask again later.

Here's what I do know:

I've had my share of relationships - wonderful, terrible, and everything in between.  I've been perfectly content being single, having fun, running around with my friends, breaking hearts and breaking my own. I wasn't looking for someone to fill up a void in my life, in fact, I pushed a lot of people away from filling anything close to that role. I always figured I'd get married someday, but darned if I knew when, or to who. 

And then Alex came back into my life. The proverbial one who got away. For reasons that weren't anyone's fault really, (including that bitch of all of them, Timing) things had seemed to not work out. I promised myself I'd just find someone new. And for years, we both did.

Yall, then he drove across the country with a ring. And I turned him down, saying he was out of his mind, that it would never work, that he lived in Boston and I lived in SF, and we'd changed, and a host of other very sensible reasons why it wouldn't work. But something kept on whispering to me that I had known he was the one for me since the day I met him, and wouldn't it be grand, and would I regret not taking this chance? I kept asking everyone else (and asking and asking...thank yall a million times over for your patience) what I should do. I know now that I can't follow my head to find out what makes me happy, I have to follow my heart. And if my heart worked like a brain, I wouldn't need both.

Someone said "you're just blinded by the ring." In truth, what got to me was a mix CD he made for me. The first time I listened to it, I sat right down on my floor and bawled. It was a love letter, no mistake. It just took me a while to understand what that letter really said.

I made a plan to go see him in Boston to test the waters. And the rest, as they say, is history. I'm sure there will be a version of the actual engagement story for your reading pleasure later, but there was a Vegas theme, which I find funny as hell upon reflection. DJs! Elvis! Go-go dancers! Giant slot machine! Champagne! I hardly remember it except for jumping up and down a lot.

After six years of love, loss, and other Dramatic Events, most of all, we kept a rock-solid friendship. He's still the one who takes my breath from me the moment I see him. Who makes me laugh - both at myself and everything else. Who refuses to let me get complacent, and instead challenges me and makes me think. Who has the sweetest soul. Who I love more and more, every day.

Is it nuts? You bet your ass it is. We'll never be boring. Stay tuned.