Drunk Geek Watching

Being as I have a long history of working with bars, I have seen more than my fair share of drunk people, especially during holidays. As I have also worked for a lot of dotcoms, I have also seen more than my share of drunk geeks, who are their own unique brand of drunks. The Drunk Geek is the kind that do not drink often but will do so with a vengeance when given an open bar and let loose from the captivity of their square light receptacles. This always comes to a crux at the company holiday gathering. Last year, it was one QA engineer who vomited Petron all over a VP's front stairwell. A few years prior, it was a production manager flinging office furniture from the roof of a bar into Dupont Circle. (It wasn't even our office's furniture. And he stayed employed. Ah, 1999.)

I had the indistinct pleasure one year of attending the Microsoft company holiday gathering at the Westin Seattle. There were six foot high topiaries of fresh-cut roses on each table, a buffet with chefs preparing your beef, salmon, and other delicious snacks. There was a live r&b/funk band, and they were solid. Very funky for the boys from Redmond. My date was gracious, my friends amusing and witty, and we got to party for a while in the penthouse, where we proceeded to pull a Ferris Bueller: lean forehead against window, gaze down at beautiful city. It was a delightful evening, Microsoft had spared no expense.

Then the night got jumpin. People drank. And drank. We took photos in a prom-like photo session, with lots of giggles and a bit of falling over.  And then everyone drank some more. Excuse me, Mister Sullen Catering Bartender-type, may I have another gin and tonic? Of course, Mister I Drink Once a Year. What a swell idea. Have another while you're at it. People were dancing. I had a madras in one hand (hey, it's a party, I can order weird drinks) and a Corona in the other. Woo! Party!

And then...it happened.

Someone puked. Onto the dancefloor. 

Yall, that is when you take your friend home. That is not when you laugh and point and then take photographs, because you are a manager of and managed by the people who are standing around you. (I may laugh an point and take photos, because I don't know you.) You have high-paying jobs that require you to be at least of driving age. Therefore, you may not leave the vomitus there for one of the paid-not-enough-by-the-hour employees of the Westin to pick up. You apologize profusely, and then GO HOME, because buddy, The Good Ship Lollipuke done sailed. 

We saw him later out on the dancefloor. Albeit on the other side of the room. 

People, please. I am never one to encourage temperance, teetotaling or even  moderation but when you drink enough to puke on a dancefloor in front of a thousand co-workers and their dates, please remove yourself. If you are a friend of one of these people, and they are in danger of...say, being seen by their boss - you must remove your friend if they are unable to do so themselves. And no, you may not blog it.

Unless, of course, they work for the competition, in which case you should photograph said event and keep it for blackmail. Mwahhahahahahah.

Just kidding, Microsoft! Way to throw a party! Woo! Pass the Petron!